'I learned t shut down all my feelings so that none of it mattered - so that it never even happened. Pain is temporary. It goes away if you let your brain go numb.'
what we could have been, 11:17 PM.
thinking through and through,
i still cant accept how things are now.
why had it all begun and how it all ended.
i feel too fooled,
by fate.
&i'm realising,
being numb isnt all that helpful afterall.
its somehow suffocating.
blocking surroundings and certain emotions out,
it makes one feel kinda
lifeless.
what we could have been, 11:56 PM.
while i was having a small small short short conversation in chinese with my colleague, carol today,
one of the staffs overheard us and asked carol: SHE knows how t speak chinese?!! (pointing at me)
...
&its not as if the staff havent spoke t me earlier on.
do i really loook soo much of a malay?!
i'm certainly fairer now! haha.
so whats the similarity?
her question reminds me soo much of the mj malay stall auntie who thought i was a malay as well.
&&another staff who asked carol last friday? -- SHE's a chinese? (referring t me again)
...
what we could have been, 11:28 PM.
this time round, i felt lost, guilty and utter bitchy.
its getting hard, really hard.
&i gotta admit, i'm
desperately needing a job t keep my mind off things.
what we could have been, 12:50 AM.