i dont even know what t make out of this r/s anymore.
feeling tired emotionally but yet not knowing what t do.
i need a break, from everything seriously.
there's the urge -
t stay away from home just for one whole day and be alone,
get myself drunk,
shut my lungs out at some remote but not absolutely deserted nor scary area,
make the decision.
i need t clear doubts. for real, they are driving me crazy and leaving me helpless.
i need some time w. you.
i'm tryingg, trying my hardest - not t think, not t hold any expectations that always seems t fail me and leave me totally disappointed, feeling like a fool.
i'm trying t loook up at elmo everyday first thing first in the morning and smile back t him, hoping t hold that smile for the rest of the day.
but these efforts fail.
i need answers and assurance.

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